So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
