Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
