saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
