Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
