the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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