I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
