my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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