Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
