brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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