Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize