So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
