do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
