i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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