I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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