He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
