my vag is so smooth its legendary
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
