You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
