never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
