Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
