im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
