you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
