Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
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You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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