jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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