you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i love accidental penises.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
