I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
