Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
