She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
