So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
