tell your sister to shave her snatch
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
