I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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