she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
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all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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