standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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