As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
