No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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