his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
