So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
