Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
