I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
