I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
