I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
