Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
