I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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