idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
