I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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