Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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