why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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