I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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