I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
