I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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