Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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