I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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