Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
