i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
the liver wants what the liver wants
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
