my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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