In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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