Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
