This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
