he wants to bone in the snuggie
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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