they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.