White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping