There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
