the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
