She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
