im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
