It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
