You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He has the fingertips of a God
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
