That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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