I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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