Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He felt like a one man threesome
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize