Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
