there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
