everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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