forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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