How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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