y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
