her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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