don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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