had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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