Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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